


Roe

by were_duck



Category: Elfquest
Genre: Coming of Age, F/F, Sexual exploration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/were_duck/pseuds/were_duck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Venka learns to be herself, and not just who everyone else wants her to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tyleet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyleet/gifts).



> Much love to my wonderful cheerleader and beta!

**This was a terrible idea,** Venka sent, gritting her teeth against the freezing cold of the river. She stared down at the melt-swollen stream, tantalizing flickers of gold and brown twisting just under the surface of the rapids. 

"We'll be the heroes of the holt!" Tyleet crowed, launching herself from the riverbank and onto Venka's back. Venka staggered at the welcome weight of her friend, steadying them both. 

"Think, Venka, when was the last time we had anything that wasn't horrible gamey hoppers?" Tyleet's voice was laced with laughter and giddy rebellion, her warm breath against the chill of the air raising the hair on Venka's neck.

Venka gave in to Tyleet's infectious excitement, twisting in a move Skot had taught her and dumping Tyleet into the river. They played, laughing, while Patience barked helpfully from the riverbank, knowing the likelihood of actually catching any fish diminished with each stumble. 

They had snuck out at dawn, the rest of the holt asleep and only Pike on watch to bribe with promises of sweet roe and a flirtatious smile from Tyleet. It had taken hours to reach the spawning pools of Thorny Mountain's river, well out of range of the holt's territory, but Tyleet on a quest was a Tyleet not to be denied. 

"Cutter is going to be so mad at us," Venka sighed, slightly out of breath and soaked with river melt. She kicked at the riverbed so it swirled up in black clouds. It had felt like a fun adventure at first, but now the guilt of sneaking away from the holt had begun to take hold.

"Oh, he's already mad. Don't think for a moment that he didn't make Pike bare throat the instant he realized we weren't just out late setting your hopper snares. Don't worry about it! Cutter gets angry at us but he'll always forgive us."

"Oh, little fox. You won't get away with doing as you like and turning belly up to our chief with a smile forever, you know. And we may be cubs, but we're still responsible to the safety of the holt! We're getting too old for these hare-brained adventures of yours."

"Venka, you worry too much about responsibility! Spend more time with Skot and Pike and Krim--they know how to have fun." Tyleet said, her mouth twitching in a little smirk.

"Oh, and I'm sure they've been showing you all their tricks, huh? No wonder Nightfall has been so keen on testing Skot on the hunt," Venka teased, pinching Tyleet. "And?"

"I just.. wanted to know how it felt to share furs with someone, to be a lovemate, and they were more than willing," Tyleet said, splashing over to Venka and grabbing her hand. "Honestly, Venka, you are so caught up in what everyone wants you to be, can't you just... try something new? Try something a little out of character, just once?"

Venka pulled away, stung. "I am myself when I'm doing what the tribe needs from me. I still have so much to learn if I'm going to stand up to the Black Snake, much less Rayek. Kahvi would..."

"Kahvi _left_ , Venka," Tyleet pointed out, more gently. "She doesn't get a say in what you do with your life any more! And besides, she would want you to play a little. To hear Krim talk, she always knew her mind and found what--and who--she wanted and when. You can't put all of yourself into protecting us. You need to explore, just a little bit... just for you." Tyleet's green eyes were hard as ice, determined in the way that Venka knew from long experience meant she wasn't going to be letting go of this anytime soon.

The best strategy was distraction. Venka sighed, tossing the net out into the rapids. "Come on, you promised me goldstripe roe, I am holding you to that."

Tyleet, Venka's only agemate in the tribe, her sunny audacious mercurial opposite, knew Venka's slow heavy moods better than anyone. And it burned Venka's pride just a little to privately admit that Tyleet was probably right, that for all her singleminded focus on revenge Kahvi would have raised Venka to live in the "now", or at least a Go-Back's version of it, for herself. 

But no, her mother had instilled in her a sense of all-consuming purpose, then left her to grow up in the care of a tribe whose hearts could never heal without her help. Sometimes her purpose braced her, focused her. But other times, especially of late, she found that the simmering anger Kahvi had left to her turned back on her, that the Black Snake's whispers sowed doubt in her heart and frustration. The fear in her heart insinuated that, for all she had a purpose, she would never be worth more to anyone than that. Useful, necessary, perhaps, but never entirely herself, never entirely whole.

Venka shook herself angrily, twisting her net with a rough jerk as a particularly juicy goldstripe tangled in the fibers. It thrashed viciously, but she flipped it with a deft twist onto the bank to join the three she had already caught. Patience, bored of the fishing, had stolen Tyleet's lone catch and was snacking on it noisily in the snowbank verging the river. 

"Ah! You're ahead of me!" Tyleet grinned at her from slightly upstream, waving her empty net ruefully as gold fish flicked and leap past her unimpeded.

"Maybe if you did less stomping around, you wouldn't scare all the fish off! Those wolf reflexes may be good for something but they're no match for a patient hand!" Venka laughed back.

"I leave that nonsense to my wolf-friend, you know that!" Tyleet appeared to have given up entirely on the net and was now pouncing like a mad cub, her hands scratched raw from the scales of fish that escaped her grasp. 

Venka rolled her eyes, wading hip deep into the river and taking a hissing breath as she adjusted to the freezing rush on some of her more sensitive places. She spotted a particularly lovely goldstripe charging up the river toward her, and cast her net decisively. 

It only took a moment of distraction and an unexpected hole in the riverbed, and Venka went down.

Water crashed over her, filling her ears and lungs with a freezing roar as she inadvertently gasped for breath. The riverbed was shallow but the current strong, and it only took an instant for the water to rush her against a sharp crag. She had barely enough time to register the triumphant snicker of the Black Snake in her mind before darkness took her completely. 

~~~~~

She dreamed of water, of a light that was darker than the new moon, of spines sinking into her arms and legs and pulling her apart. She wondered if she had died, if this was what death would be for her, caught forever in the void that the absence of the palace had left. Having failed in her one function, she supposed she must simply accept the disorienting tangles of nothingness.

The dreams did not frighten her--the Black Snake had sent her worse as a babe in arms, and she had grown more than used to brushing her vindictive poison away. She considered simply giving in, letting the ache in her head take her down into a sleep deeper than dreams. The frustration of waiting for the moment of her true purpose left her empty and cold.

But it was neither love nor duty, but rather fierce bullheaded anger that drew the life back into her. Her lungs spasmed, expelling the cold water that pierced her from inside like shards of ice.

Anger, and the persistence of Tyleet's sending, which was overwhelmingly, almost irritatingly calm and warm. It was like being wrapped, immobile, in the softest of furs. When she finally sputtered back to wakefulness, she found her face cradled in competent, gentle hands, holding her head sideways so she wouldn't choke as the river came back up. 

"You burr-sucking total _idiot_ , you _terrified_ me," Tyleet was saying, relief softening the tenor of her words. "You're bleeding. Come on, we have to get you under some shelter and get a poultice on that head wound."

Venka slumped gratefully onto Patience's broad back, letting the wolf pull her to the shelter of a trailing willow. She stared, dull with exhaustion, at the thin bare branches that had barely begun to show signs of new growth, while Tyleet bustled around with setting up a makeshift lean-to and foraging for healing herbs.

Venka shivered with the sharp cold of the night, and exhaustion and embarrassment replaced the surge of anger that had pulled her back from the brink. She swatted angrily at the Black Snake, whose spiteful sendings bit like the vicious stings of wasps. Her mouth tasted like bile and grit, and then it tasted even worse when Tyleet made her chew on some featherfern. "My father says this is the best for helping a wound to close. It thickens the blood," she whispered, brushing Venka's sweat-damp hair away from her forehead while she watched her chew it, wincing in sympathy.

"Ugh, doesn't Redlance know of any _delicious_ healing plants?" Venka said, making a face once she had finally swallowed the last of the leaves. 

Tyleet giggled, her face barely visible in the last light of sunset. Venka couldn't see as well in the dark as her wolfblooded tribesmate, but she had learned to use her psychic sense to her advantage. She reached out, gently now, to taste Tyleet's mind with hers. The gesture hurt, raw as her mind was from its brush with the blackness and defeat, and the worry in Tyleet's gentle sending didn't help.

"Are you dizzy? I am so sorry, I should have kept closer watch... I didn't mean for you to be hurt for my foolishness."

"It was my own fault, falling in like a staggering fawn. I should have been more careful. Puckernuts, I shouldn't have left the holt, who _knows_ what could have happened if I had... if _she_... High ones, Tyleet, sometimes it is all just too much." Venka felt her throat tightening, and buried her face in Patience's fur.

"You know," Tyleet said, hesitantly, as Venka drew herself back behind her accustomed mental barriers. "I know that you feel like you have to be perfect. The things you can do, that you do to protect us from Winnowill, what Cutter hopes you can do to save his family when the time comes... you know that I don't understand how you do it. I know that I can't understand what it does to you, the things you have to learn and go through. But, Venka... you're still my littermate, my sister. You are real, living, here and now."

Venka grabbed Tyleet’s hand, grounded by the familiar press of strong little fingers twining with her own long, graceful ones. "Cutter will be so angry with me. And Nightfall and Strongbow... Everyone... just think, I could have cost our chief his _family_ , why did I think I could run off on a silly stupid adventure?"

A low, dangerous growl rumbled up in Tyleet's throat. **Venka, for all your wisdom, you are so _stupid_ sometimes! You are a person, a _wolfrider_. Life and death and risk, pain and joy and pleasure and loss and rutting stupid mistakes are part of our lives! You know, I used to be so jealous. Everyone, especially Kahvi and Cutter, thought you were a gift from the High Ones, meant to save us. You had more magic in the tip of your perfect ear than I will ever have. But... Venka, you are not just your magic. You have to be more, for _yourself_. Nevermind what _they_ want from you. What in Timmorn's name do you want for _Venka_?** Tyleet's sending was fierce, anger adding an unaccustomed edge to her mental voice. 

Venka grabbed Tyleet's arms. "I--," Her voice was too hoarse. **I want... I don't know. I don't know what I want, Tyleet. Can I just... can we...** and her anger at herself and her tribe, the blood pounding in her veins in the aftermath of her brush with mortality, all added up. 

Her packsister was warm and close, her bright passion easing her worry, tender arms holding Venka close in familiar comfort. **Tyleet. You said I should... with Pike and Skot and Krim, like you did. But they don't know me like I need. They don't see how hard this is for me. Maybe--could we?**

Tyleet's eyes widened. "Me?!" She squeaked, astonished. 

Venka felt a slow smile twist her lips. **You know me. And perhaps there's a thing or two I can learn from you, besides how to get into trouble...**

Tyleet leaned down and, for answer, pressed her lips, laughing gently, to Venka's neck. **Trouble, well. Let's play...**

~~~~~

Venka woke to the low whine rumbling in Patience's ribcage. She tightened her arms around Tyleet, curled against her. 

**This is not exactly what I expected to find after tracking you half the night.** Cutter's mental voice was sweetly amused, though the lines of his shoulders spoke only of relief.

**I can't always be predictable, my chief,** she replied, smiling in spite of herself. **I'm sorry, Cutter. You know our Tyleet...***

**Aye, well. I'll expect some groveling, of course, but... our little fawn and our little fox cub, we'd be fools to think you've got no surprises for us,** he sent, rueful. 

**My chief, I know we worried you. And I know this isn't exactly what you expected. But sometimes... impulsiveness is part of the Way, too. I learned that from you, in spite of yourself.**

Cutter chuckled. **Up then, young ones. Day trips are one thing, but the wolfriders need our children back.** He toed the fishhead Patience had abandoned. **Though we might as well not go back empty-handed. Let's go, I'll show you how it's done,** he sent, snagging the net and splashing his way out into the river.

Venka laughed, shaking Tyleet awake. "Time to wake, lovemate. You promised me roe."

Tyleet groaned, burrowing her face in Venka's chest. "Now?"

**Soon. Anytime we like, in the Now,** she sent back.

**Don't push your luck!** Cutter sent back.

**A moment, my chief. We have some youthful rebellion to get to!** Tyleet taunted back.

**High Ones help us all! Two rebellious beautiful cubs on a mission for sweet goldstripe roe, how could I possibly keep you at home!** Cutter retorted, and Venka felt something in her heart loosen with joy.


End file.
